


As I Lay Me Down To Sleep

by xoshu



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BAMF Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I'm not sure when this is set, M/M, Maybe... We'll See, No Spoilers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Wing Kink, prayer kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2018-09-24 05:32:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9705470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoshu/pseuds/xoshu
Summary: Dean has no idea how loudly he thinks.It’s very distracting.





	1. The Beginning

Dean’s thoughts/prayers look like  **_this_ ** .

 

*******

 

The first time _it_ happened was a complete accident. Dean and Sam had just finished a simple salt and burn, easy and clean. AC/DC played softly into the comfortable silence, the bunker was only fifteen minutes away. Dean absently watched the road, one hand on the steering wheel, one hand relaxing in his lap. Dean heard a rustle in the backseat and flicked his eyes up to the rearview mirror expecting to see Sam’s laptop sliding around on the seat. What he was not prepared for were _stunning_ blue eyes staring back at him. Dean jerked and swerved on the road in surprise.

“Jesus Christ, Cas, you almost gave me a heart attack!” Dean exclaimed. Cas narrowed his eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Your cardiovascular system is functioning perfectly, Dean.” He said in a grumbly tone. the rustling noise behind him picked up again as Cas shifted uncomfortably. Dean glanced back again, confused. That sound only happened when Cas zapped in and out of the room.

 

**_Is that his wings? I wonder what they look like._ **

 

Cas’ head jerked up, the surprise was written all over his face, his lips were slightly parted. Dean shot him a funny look. He didn’t say that out loud, did he? He glanced over at Sam who was disinterested and staring out the window. So, no. Was Cas reading his mind? ...No. Cas wouldn’t do that. He deserves more credit. Dean filed it under “Weird Stuff Cas Does”. Cas blushed a little and looked away from the mirror.

 

**_Heh. Cute._ **

 

Cas’ blush deepened a little further.

 

**_I wonder what color they are. White? Nah. Not very Cas. Gold, maybe? Or blue. Blue would be aweso-_ **

 

“I apologize, I must go,” Cas said quickly without looking up. “I came to see if you both were alright after the hunt. I see that you are now, goodbye.” And with another rustle, he was gone, just like that.

“That was weird.” Sam speculated.

“That’s Cas,” Dean replied with a smile. Though he had just thought that Cas, his very male friend, was cute. So maybe he shouldn’t be calling names. Dean shook himself and resumed concentrating on the road, tapping his fingers to the beat.

 

*******

 

The second time _it_ happened was kinda an accident. They were taking a whole nest of vamps. What they thought was a lone outcast in the middle of Nevada was really only the tip of the iceberg of a nest of about thirty vampires. Dean panicked, they were in an ambush, and they had walked right into it. The entire nest was waiting in the abandoned barn where they tracked the first vamp. They descended from the ceiling, and it was a bloodbath. They were obviously very inexperienced but their sheer numbers were enough to overwhelm the brothers, and they would go under soon if they couldn’t get this under control. He called out to Cas for help.

 

**_Hey, we’re getting our asses handed to us, so get yours the Hell down here!_ **

 

Cas appeared with a gust of air beside Dean. He thrust out both hands and yelled, “Close your eyes!” Sam and Dean dove to the ground, and Dean put an arm around his eyes, just to be safe. Five seconds and a burst of white light later, Dean looked up and saw Cas heaving breaths with squared shoulders, a warrior's stance. It was awesome. And a little hot. But no one needed to know that. In the fading light, Dean could swear he saw shadows of Castiel’s wings, spread in a display of dominance.

“Well, shit, Cas,” Dean said, rolling onto his back, propped up on his elbows. “Where’d you learn that one?”

“I am multiple millennia old and have served in God’s army my entire existence. As you would say, I’ve got a few things up my sleeve.” Castiel explained, returning the bright smile that Dean gave him. He leaned down and offered a hand to Dean. Dean took it and was pulled upwards by Cas _very quickly._ He slammed into Cas on the way up, but Cas didn’t budge, despite Dean accidentally throwing his whole weight into him. It was times like this that Dean was reminded of the fact that his friend was a powerful, warrior of heaven, and that he could easily overpower Dean with inhuman strength.

 

**_I wonder if he could hold me down._ **

 

Where _the hell_ had that come from. Castiel’s grip tightened on Dean’s hand and his eyes darkened a fraction.

“If you two are done,” Same started, “I'd like to go home.”

Cas released Dean’s hand and Dean felt oddly disappointed at the loss of his heat and strong grip.

 

**_I want him to hold me down._ **

  
Woah.  _ Woah _ . No, ok, that was the line. He couldn’t feel that way, especially about Cas. No way. Right? Dean felt more than he heard the rustle of feathers as Cas took off, leaving without a word. “Yeah alright, alright. Coming.” Dean mumbled. He had a lot to think about on the ride home.


	2. Beer, pie, and an (un)healthy fear of love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filed under "Nights That Probably Were Forgotten For A Reason".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHIT LOL ITS BEEN MONTHS SORRY (oops)  
> lil bit angsty, lemme know if you like :p
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy.  
> I’m putting a TW here for self-hate, sry guys.
> 
> Also, this is short but there's another one coming soon ;D

The third time  _ it _ happened, Dean didn’t resemble anything even close to sober. Actually, he doesn’t remember  _ it _ at all. Picture this; it’s 3:30 am and Dean can't sleep because of… stuff. The solution - pie. And beer. Duh.

Dean stumbled out of his bedroom, blurry-eyed, and stomach grumbling.

 

**_Mhmm. Pie. Yeah, pie. And beer. Better than sex, those two. Myeah. Heh. Sex. I could use a blowjob. Mmm... pie._ **

 

Dean reached the fridge with a small smile, giggling a little. When he opened the fridge and stuck his head in, his pleased expression turned to disappointment, which then turned to the physical manifestation of grumpiness.

 

**_God fucking shit, damn it, fuck everything. I just want some mother fucking pie. Is pie too fucking much to fucking ask for??? SHIT GOD FUCKING BITCH DAMN-_ **

 

He slammed the fridge door a little harder than necessary and opened the freezer to grab a beer and,

 

**_-HOLY FUCKING JESUS DAMN IT WE’RE OUT OF BEER TOO ARE YOU SHITTING ME I JU-_ **

 

Fuming, he hurled the freezer door shut and stormed out of the kitchen into the library, where he hoped he could at least find a half-empty bottle of whiskey. He turned the corner at an unnecessarily reckless velocity and -

 

**_Oh._ **

 

Sitting in a cushy chair by the fireplace… Cas. Holding a massive book in his hands (the kind Dean thinks should stay in whatever cobweb it came from), and without even looking up rumbled his usual greeting, “Hello, Dean.”

“Uh, hey, Cas. What’re you doing here? Don’t you have some angelic homework to do or something?” Dean said with a half-hearted chuckle.

“No. I was made aware that you were missing some specific refrigerated food. Loudly.” Cas lifted an eyebrow toward the end of his sentence and nodded his head in the general direction of the most  _ magnificent  _ looking slice of apple pie Dean has ever seen and a nice, cold beer. Cas still didn’t meet Dean’s eyes though, thoroughly engrossed in whatever  _ magnum opus _ he had in his hands this time.

“Oh… you mean…” Dean finished lamely, gesturing to the table in front of them.

“Yes, Dean.”

“I don’t know how you knew, and I think I don’t care.” Dean confessed as he raced to sit in the chair next to Cas and start the pie. He took the first bite and washed it down with a swig of beer.  _ Glorious. _

 

**_Ugh, Cas, I could kiss you!_ **

 

Cas finally lifted his head, only enough to make eye contact, his head low and expression dark, and unreadable.

“Did… Did I say that out loud?” Dean asked into the silence. Getting no response from Cas Dean continued, “Well, it’s true, anyway. This stuff is  _ amazing _ .” Dean laughed, eagerly getting back to the syrupy, sticky, awesomeness in front of him.

Cas rolled his eyes at Dean’s childlike messiness, so sassy it must have been a trait he picked up from Sam. But even Mr. Holy Grumpy Pants can’t pull off the bitchiness of Sams infamous Bitch Face™. The little turn of his tantalizing lips gives away the fondness ( **_and maybe something more...?_ ** ) Cas sometimes regarded him with.

A sudden warmth spread through Dean’s body, the pure, loved kind. The kind of warmth only found with someone who loves with their entire heart, a gentle but firm unsaid reassurance. Satisfaction. Dean doesn’t remember looking up into Cas’s eyes, but here they are.

 

**_Since when have his eyes been so blue?_ **

 

The warmth still there, tugging but not pushing. It made Dean want  _ more _ , and -

As suddenly as it appeared, it’s gone. Dean’s still staring at Cas’s eyes, and he’s still looking at Dean like  _ that _ , like Dean is someone that deserves something as precious as love. It makes him feel cold, disappointed, but most of all, sick. That he would assume Cas, a  _ fucking angel, _ would delude himself into seeing anything other than the dark, festering, twisted soul underneath his charming smile and green eyes.

 

**_-stupid, stupid, STUPID! - don’t deserve - not for me - unwanted - just seeing things - just barely TOLERATING ME-_ **

 

Reality crushed into Dean’s consciousness like a freight train, and when he focused back in at Castiel’s eyes, a steely frustration and burbling anger threatened to comfirm all of Dean’s doubts. He got up quickly, way too quickly, and stumbled on the table leg trying to escape the lies he insisted on telling himself. He recognized that he was about to fall before it even happened, and with  the beer in his system slowing his reflexes, it was obvious he wouldn’t stay upright by himself. Dean braced for impact but something warm and inviting blocked his way.

He looked up and - yes, there it is. Concern. Cas’s face creased in worry and Dean wondered to himself how he managed to manipulate Cas into giving a damn what happened to Dean.

“Wait, Dean -” Cas whispered. It rumbled from deep down inside him and Dean wanted so much to just lie down and listen to that voice for the rest of his life. He wanted to be wanted so much...

 

**_Pathetic._ **

 

That little voice said. Back there in his head, that only came out when things were going too well. Two well for the likes of Dean Winchester.

 

**_Get off him, pussy._ **

 

Dean pushed Cas backwards, against his every instinct. He wrenched himself away from Cas, and the false optimism he felt in Cas’s arms.

 

**_It’s easier this way. It’s easier than rejection. You know this._ **

 

Without looking him in the eyes, Dean walked as fast as he could away from Cas, and the quiet crackling fireplace. Hot streams ran down his cheeks. It doesn’t matter anyway.

 

*******

 

The next day, Dean woke up around midday, with syrup on his fingers and alcohol on his breath.

 

**_Weird. I gotta stop drinking late at night… I don’t remember anything._ **


	3. Promises, promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol remember me? yes it is i, your local cryptid swamp hag crawling out of the mist to dump a year late chapter at your feet.  
> seriously though, you guys are great. enjoy <3

A couple nights after his mystery adventure, Dean’s getting “antsy”, as Sam put it. Being cooped up in the bunker for more than two days at a time drives him absolutely up the wall. He showered three times, made burgers, turned the library upside down and back again, sharpened all his blades and cleaned his guns. He checked on Sam for the fifth time that day asking if he had seen any activity.

“Hey, got anything?” Dean asked nervously.

“No sorry, all’s quiet on the western front,” Sam said, taking a swig of his beer before sighing and closing his laptop. He didn’t nearly have the trouble Dean did between hunts but it still wore on him.

“Dammit,” Dean hissed under his breath. He dropped his head down on the table with his arms over his head.

 

**_Christ, I would do anything to not be chained up in this fucking prison for one more second!_ **

 

“I hear that demons are taking an interest in the city of Miami.” A gravelly voice said beside him. Dean jumped and saw Castiel sitting in the chair to his left, hands folded in his lap. He looked calmly between the brothers before settling on Dean. “Hello, Dean.” He rasped in a voice so deep it should be  _ illegal _ . Dean involuntarily shivered.

 

**_Fuck._ **

 

Cas’ head quirked to the side in the most  _ ohmygodthatissoadorable  _ way ever. Dean realized only a couple seconds later that he hadn’t said anything. He shook the ‘deer in headlights’ look from his face. “Hey, Cas.”

“Anyway,” Sam shifted uncomfortably in Dean’s peripheral vision. “What’s in Miami?”

Castiel broke the staring match he was currently having with Dean to flick his eyes across the table where Sam was sitting. “Demons. It’s easy for them to blend in with the current surplus of young adults celebrating the “‘break of spring’,” ( **_and if that isn’t the cutest thing Dean’s ever heard…_ ** ) Castiel supplied, relaxing back into the chair as he explained. Cas his arm on the rests to his sides and suddenly,

 

**_His lap looks empty_ ** **_._ **

 

Wait, what?

 

Castiel clenched his fists and jaw keeping his eyes firmly on Sam. Dean hardly noticed, very busy with his most recent gay existential crisis and why the  _ Hell _ Cas looks so… ugh. Dean can’t even say it in his head but the truth is… Cas looks downright edible. When did this happen? Why? Does he even  _ care _ ?

 

**_You should._ **

 

Dean knows that voice, and he buries it automatically. Without even thinking about it, really.

“You mean spring break?” Sam asks, humor shining through his confused expression.

“Um, yes. I think.”

 

**_Aw._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_...shit._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am planning on updating this again soon. Basically, the story goes; I started failing everything in school & my parents pulled me out after I did some stupid shit, and then I was in a hospital for three months because of it. I'm recovering, and this is a good way for me to stretch my writing muscles (they're very dusty... ima weak binch).
> 
> Also; I don't wanna write internalized-homophobia-Dean... I just want my boy to be happie. Would that ruin the continuity for you guys? I don't mean completely ignoring his bi awakening, just the sad parts, you know?
> 
> Let me know what you guys think in the comments

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! So, what did you think? Should I continue? Let me know in the comments!!  
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
